Chat Permanence & Wali Access

Plain-language summary of how messages work on Wali and who can read them.

Part 1 — Chat Permanence

What "permanent" means

Every message you send through the Wali matching system is stored permanently. This is not a default that can be turned off. It is a designed feature of the platform. Here is what it means specifically:

• You cannot delete a message after it is sent — not in the next second, not the next day, not the next year
• You cannot edit a message after it is sent
• You cannot retract or unsend a message
• The other person cannot delete your messages on their side, and you cannot delete their messages on your side
• If a conversation is blocked or closed, the message history still exists
• If the other person deletes their account, the message history still exists on your side and on the platform

Why the platform works this way

This is not surveillance for its own sake. There are three reasons:

• Safety. If someone sends you an inappropriate message, harasses you, or misrepresents themselves, you cannot be pressured to delete the evidence. The record is there regardless.
• Accountability. People communicate with more care when they know messages are permanent. This platform takes marriage seriously. Permanent messages reflect that seriousness.
• Wali oversight. If a woman has a wali, the wali's oversight function only works if the record is complete and cannot be erased before the wali can review it.

What happens when you delete your account

When you request account deletion, the visible content of your messages is deleted from the user-facing system within 30 days. However:

• Message metadata — who sent it, who received it, timestamps, and moderation flags — is retained for up to 2 years for safety audit purposes
• Content that is subject to an active investigation or legal hold is not deleted until that hold is lifted
• This is disclosed in the Privacy Policy Section 26 and is a legal requirement, not a choice

Does this apply to Wali Community Groups too?

No. The permanent message rule applies only to the matching-system chats between prospective matches. Messages in Wali Community Groups (the group chats where walis coordinate) have a different rule:

• A message sender can delete their own group messages within 24 hours of sending
• A Group Admin can delete any message in the group at any time
• This difference is deliberate — community group conversations are lower-stakes and operate more like a community forum than a marriage conversation

Part 2 — Wali Access to Your Messages

If you are the woman in a conversation

If you have a wali linked to your account:

• Your wali can read every message in every active conversation you have through the platform
• Your wali can read those messages in real time as they are sent
• A banner is visible in every chat you have that says "A wali may be monitoring this conversation"
• If you remove your wali and later re-add them, the re-added wali will be able to read all messages from all time — including messages sent while no wali was linked
• If you have multiple walis, all of them can read all of your messages

If you do not have a wali linked, only you and the person you are speaking with can read the conversation. Adding a wali later gives that wali retroactive access.

If you are the man in a conversation

When you open a conversation with a woman who has a wali, the chat will display a banner: "A wali may be monitoring this conversation." This means:

• A third party — the woman's wali — may be reading your messages in real time
• That wali has access to every message you have sent in that conversation, from the very first one
• This is true even if the wali was not linked when you started the conversation — if a wali is added later, they can read everything from the beginning
• By sending a message in a conversation where a wali banner is displayed, you have consented to that access

If you have your own wali linked (this is optional for men — see below):

• Your wali can read your conversations in read-only mode unless you have promoted them to Full Authority, in which case their access mirrors the woman's wali system

If you are a wali

Your access to messages is a responsibility, not just a right.

• You can read all messages in all conversations linked to the person in your care
• Your access is logged — the platform records that you viewed specific conversations
• You should not share conversation content with people outside the platform without the consent of the person in your care
• Using your message access to gather information about other users for purposes unrelated to the match is a violation of the Community Guidelines

Part 3 — The Retroactive Access Rule

This is the rule users are most often surprised by. Please read it carefully before adding or removing a wali.

The rule

If a wali is removed from an account and then re-added, the re-added wali has full access to all message history — including messages sent during the period when no wali was linked.

A concrete example

Fatima starts using Wali without a wali linked. She has 3 weeks of conversations. She then adds her father as a wali. Her father can now read all 3 weeks of messages, including the ones sent before he was added.

Ahmed and Fatima have been chatting for 2 weeks. Fatima removes her father as wali. They continue chatting for 1 more week. Fatima re-adds her father. Her father can now read all 3 weeks of messages — including the week he was not linked.

Why it works this way

The platform's architecture stores all messages linked to the conversation, not to the wali relationship at the time of sending. When a wali is granted access, they receive access to the conversation — and all of its history — not just the portion that occurred while they were linked. This is disclosed upfront because it is a meaningful and perhaps surprising consequence of how the system is designed.

What this means for you

If you are a woman:

• If there are messages in your account history that you would not want a future wali to see, be aware that adding a wali at any future point will give that person access to those messages
• The permanent message rule means you cannot delete those messages to prevent that access
• The platform is designed to reflect the seriousness of the marriage process — the expectation is that all your conversations are conducted as if a family member could be watching

If you are a man:

• Even if you began a conversation when no wali was visible, a wali may later be added and gain access to your messages
• Write every message as if the woman's family might read it — because they might

Part 4 — Men's Optional Wali

Adding a wali is optional for men and is a lightweight, low-pressure feature. Here is how it works:

• A man's wali operates in Advisory Mode by default — the wali is notified of match activity and can read chats in read-only mode, but cannot block matches, end conversations, or gate photo reveals
• A man may promote his wali to Full Authority (the same permissions as a woman's wali) at his own discretion
• A man can add or remove his wali at any time with no penalty — no trust score effect, no visibility change
• If a man has a wali and that wali can read the chat, the chat banner will indicate that walis may be present on both sides

Part 5 — Your Questions Answered

Part 6 — Your Rights

Knowing your rights does not conflict with how this platform works. You have the right to:

• Request a copy of your data, including your message history, through Settings > Account > Request Data Export
• Delete your account, which triggers deletion of message content from user-facing systems within 30 days
• Request a record of staff access to your account data (see Privacy Policy Section 23A.4)
• Lodge a complaint with us if you believe your data has been handled in a way that violates applicable law — email izharbid@walimarriage.com
• Lodge a complaint with your local data protection supervisory authority if you are located in the EEA or UK
• Opt out of mandatory arbitration within 30 days of accepting the Terms (see Terms of Service Section 15.7)

Questions?

If anything in this document is unclear, contact us at izharbid@walimarriage.com. The subject line "Chat & Wali Access Question" will route your message to the right person.

Wali Marriage LLC operates under the assumed name "Wali Marriage." Both names refer to the same legal entity.